Just recently, friends of ours learned that their 7 year old son has medulloblastoma, a malignate type of brain tumor. They have been journaling their ordeal and just last night Nick wrote a very insightful blog on what he has learned about caring for others.
In his own words:
1. Don't help them the way YOU think they should be helped, ask them. Joey is so patient with us. Now we ask, "What can we do?" We don't give him advice, or tell him what he needs, we ask a lot of questions and shut our collective cake holes. We've learned to listen...and ask the right questions, and to help him the way he needs us to help him at that moment.
2. Don't ever tell other people how they should feel. He knows how he feels, and if he's sad, and I tell him, "you're doing great!" or "you're fine!"....it's very discouraging to him. Our job is to give him permission to feel however he feels (NONE of us knows how he feels or has gone through what he is going through) and we ask what he needs from us. A wise person once told me, "People always have the right to feel the way they feel". Doesn't mean they see all the facts or the situation from your perspective, BUT, they have a right to their perspective and feelings.
When someone is hurting, we all want to help; but sometimes, although our intentions are well-meaning, we fall short. Please consider Nick's advice: ask the hurting person how he wants to be helped, don't give advice, accept how the hurting person says he feels, and listen, listen, listen.
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